Difficulties

As with any parent, I feel so overjoyed when my daughter does something new and exciting. As I laid in bed last night thinking of the new things she has started to do, I got a little sad. Sad because her father is missing out on so much while he is deployed.


It is the little things, going to the potty, saying new words, picking up new gestures and adventuring onto new activities.


I try to keep him in the loop as much as possible. We have started a deployment chain, a paper chain counting down the days Daddy is gone. Every day we write down an activity we have done that day, whether it be swimming or shopping. Sometimes we just write about how much we miss him. Hopefully this will give him a nice keepsake journal for when he gets back. We can look back on it and see what we did or accomplished while he was gone.


Being pregnant, and high-risk nonetheless, has been extremely difficult while he has been gone. He wasn't there to see the ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby (which is a boy!!) or to hold my hand when they told me I need to be tested as a cystic fibrosis carrier. Deciding on whether or not to tell him the tests they are running on me and the baby has also been difficult. I don't want to stress him out or put any more worry on his head while he is away. He needs to have a clear head and take care of business =) Things would be easier to have family closer to go to these appointments with me, or hold my hand when I needed it most.


I think that is one of the things I like least about being a grown-up. Having to make difficult decisions and not always having someone to pick up the pieces for you. I know my parents would do anything in their power for me, but sometimes I know it is better to stand on my own two feet and make the most out of the situation that I am in. I just wish I could go back to the days when the most important decision I was making was what to wear to school or who I was going to play with at recess. And to think that at that age all I wanted to do was be an adult...little did I know.