Amaya made me cry this morning, she said her first real sentence.
The fact that she said a sentence isn't the reason I cried, it is what her first sentence was.
"Mama, Dada is gone."
I almost wrecked the car. Did she just say that!?! And trust me it was clear as day.
Almost immediately, well after I got over the shock of her saying a full sentence, my eyes started to tear up. I wonder if she realizes what she said. So many questions have run through my head since those four little words were spoken.
Why would she say that? Is it because she hasn't seen him in two days? Because he hasn't held her in two months? Did she overhear someone say that her Daddy was gone?
Mainly, I want to know if she truly does understand more than we think she does. Does she realize that Daddy isn't really at work like Mommy keeps saying he is?
I didn't want to drop her off at daycare this morning. I wanted to turn the car around, take her home and hold her all day long.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Single mother...what?
Someone recently said to me "I don't know how you do it as a single mother." Until then I had never thought of myself as a single mother, and to be honest I still don't.
In my opinion a single mother is someone who doesn't have the support of a spouse or other parental unit. I have the support from my spouse, he just happens to be in another country right now.
It's true that I have to play the role of both Mommy and Daddy while he is gone, but he is still a large part of my daughter's life. We Skype as much as possible and there are tons of photos around the house that she talks to constantly. She never goes to sleep at night without her Dada, the doll, and she even gives him a good night kiss!
She often breaks my heart by asking for him, or even going to other rooms calling his name. I wish the military didn't have to take him away from us, but I know he is away for a good reason.
Now Americans can go to bed at night safe and free because my husband is defending their freedoms, in turn making me a proud wife and "single mother."
In my opinion a single mother is someone who doesn't have the support of a spouse or other parental unit. I have the support from my spouse, he just happens to be in another country right now.
It's true that I have to play the role of both Mommy and Daddy while he is gone, but he is still a large part of my daughter's life. We Skype as much as possible and there are tons of photos around the house that she talks to constantly. She never goes to sleep at night without her Dada, the doll, and she even gives him a good night kiss!
She often breaks my heart by asking for him, or even going to other rooms calling his name. I wish the military didn't have to take him away from us, but I know he is away for a good reason.
Now Americans can go to bed at night safe and free because my husband is defending their freedoms, in turn making me a proud wife and "single mother."
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Difficulties
As with any parent, I feel so overjoyed when my daughter does something new and exciting. As I laid in bed last night thinking of the new things she has started to do, I got a little sad. Sad because her father is missing out on so much while he is deployed.
It is the little things, going to the potty, saying new words, picking up new gestures and adventuring onto new activities.
I try to keep him in the loop as much as possible. We have started a deployment chain, a paper chain counting down the days Daddy is gone. Every day we write down an activity we have done that day, whether it be swimming or shopping. Sometimes we just write about how much we miss him. Hopefully this will give him a nice keepsake journal for when he gets back. We can look back on it and see what we did or accomplished while he was gone.
Being pregnant, and high-risk nonetheless, has been extremely difficult while he has been gone. He wasn't there to see the ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby (which is a boy!!) or to hold my hand when they told me I need to be tested as a cystic fibrosis carrier. Deciding on whether or not to tell him the tests they are running on me and the baby has also been difficult. I don't want to stress him out or put any more worry on his head while he is away. He needs to have a clear head and take care of business =) Things would be easier to have family closer to go to these appointments with me, or hold my hand when I needed it most.
I think that is one of the things I like least about being a grown-up. Having to make difficult decisions and not always having someone to pick up the pieces for you. I know my parents would do anything in their power for me, but sometimes I know it is better to stand on my own two feet and make the most out of the situation that I am in. I just wish I could go back to the days when the most important decision I was making was what to wear to school or who I was going to play with at recess. And to think that at that age all I wanted to do was be an adult...little did I know.
It is the little things, going to the potty, saying new words, picking up new gestures and adventuring onto new activities.
I try to keep him in the loop as much as possible. We have started a deployment chain, a paper chain counting down the days Daddy is gone. Every day we write down an activity we have done that day, whether it be swimming or shopping. Sometimes we just write about how much we miss him. Hopefully this will give him a nice keepsake journal for when he gets back. We can look back on it and see what we did or accomplished while he was gone.
Being pregnant, and high-risk nonetheless, has been extremely difficult while he has been gone. He wasn't there to see the ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby (which is a boy!!) or to hold my hand when they told me I need to be tested as a cystic fibrosis carrier. Deciding on whether or not to tell him the tests they are running on me and the baby has also been difficult. I don't want to stress him out or put any more worry on his head while he is away. He needs to have a clear head and take care of business =) Things would be easier to have family closer to go to these appointments with me, or hold my hand when I needed it most.
I think that is one of the things I like least about being a grown-up. Having to make difficult decisions and not always having someone to pick up the pieces for you. I know my parents would do anything in their power for me, but sometimes I know it is better to stand on my own two feet and make the most out of the situation that I am in. I just wish I could go back to the days when the most important decision I was making was what to wear to school or who I was going to play with at recess. And to think that at that age all I wanted to do was be an adult...little did I know.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Funny times
Every day my daughter seems to amaze me. She picks up on everything and loves to mimic things I am doing.
Yesterday morning after we got out of the shower, I was putting lotion on my ever growing belly and she started to rub her belly and say "Bay! Bay!" She then pointed to her belly and said "Bay, Mama, Bay!" I was laughing so hard I had to sit down in the middle of the floor.
She is always rubbing her belly when she is walking around the house, and I guess now I know why. She thinks she has a baby in her belly like Mommy does.
At night when we are laying in bed, she rubs my belly and says "Bay!" When I ask her where Mommy's baby is she points to my belly. I never thought a 14 month old would understand the concept that there is a baby in mommy's belly. Maybe she is smarter than I ever imagined.
We have started the potty training adventure, my goal is to have her at least 90 percent potty trained by October. She is doing pretty well. She uses the potty almost every time I sit her on it. Last night as she ran around the house naked (she has learned to take off her diaper, so there is no stopping her being naked) she actually sat on the potty and peed without Mommy knowing it. I soon found out when I heard her playing in water, also known as pee. So then I had to clean her, the potty and the floor. But at least she went to the potty all by herself =)
Yesterday morning after we got out of the shower, I was putting lotion on my ever growing belly and she started to rub her belly and say "Bay! Bay!" She then pointed to her belly and said "Bay, Mama, Bay!" I was laughing so hard I had to sit down in the middle of the floor.
She is always rubbing her belly when she is walking around the house, and I guess now I know why. She thinks she has a baby in her belly like Mommy does.
At night when we are laying in bed, she rubs my belly and says "Bay!" When I ask her where Mommy's baby is she points to my belly. I never thought a 14 month old would understand the concept that there is a baby in mommy's belly. Maybe she is smarter than I ever imagined.
We have started the potty training adventure, my goal is to have her at least 90 percent potty trained by October. She is doing pretty well. She uses the potty almost every time I sit her on it. Last night as she ran around the house naked (she has learned to take off her diaper, so there is no stopping her being naked) she actually sat on the potty and peed without Mommy knowing it. I soon found out when I heard her playing in water, also known as pee. So then I had to clean her, the potty and the floor. But at least she went to the potty all by herself =)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Our first road trip...alone
Amaya and I took our first road trip by ourselves. We went to Oklahoma to visit my sister & brother-in-law.
She did really good, she only got fussy once or twice. Luckily I packed an entire box of toys, along with 6 sippy cups full of juice and an entire box of fruit loops for her to munch on along the way.
Once we got to Oklahoma, she was delighted to see her auntie, who she hasn't seen since February. She played with her and talked to her. She had a ball! She even liked their Boxer, Minnie, although it took her a little longer to warm up to her.
This is a photo of her passed out in the back seat on our way home, don't worry I didn't take the photo while driving...I was stopped!
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