Daddy Doll

My daughter, Amaya, is in love.

We order her a Daddy Doll through Operation Hug-A-Hero, and received it in the mail last Friday. She has not put it down since I took it out of the box and showed it to her. She takes it to bed with her, in the car, to the store, to the bathroom and even holds him while she sits to watch television. She gives it kisses and says "Dada."

I asked her the other day where her Dada was, and she brought me her doll. I have to say this may be the best thing since sliced bread. The front of it has a full length photo of him taken the day he left us for deployment. The back is the Air Force tiger print she sees Daddy wear everyday.

I believe this is helping her with the separation that she is going through, and would recommend the it for any military spouse who has children. Even when Daddy returns, she will be able to have Daddy with her at all times.

My support system

This isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I think I am actually getting the hang of doing this all by myself.

Luckily, I have a great support system of family and friends who are always there when I need them.

As I learned in the Coping with Deployment course a few weeks ago, making connections is one of the most important things families can do while facing a deployment. These connections can come in the form of their family, friends, other spouses, different groups on base, or even local community organizations.

My main support comes from my family. I speak to my mother, who is in Virginia, on a daily basis. I know I can rely on her and my father for anything I need. They often tell me, "If you need me I will be on the road in a split second." I know I can also call my sister, who is also a military wife living at Altus AFB, Okla. My extended family, in-laws and friends are also a big help when I need to reach out to someone.

My other support system is through other military spouses. It is often said the fire station is a squadron within itself. Firefighters take care of other firefighters, and firefighters’ wives take care of other firefighters’ wives. Talking to another military wife helps ease the stress from a military standpoint. They often know what you are dealing with when you have military problems, or even just the daily routine. Firefighters have a unique work schedule, as they work 24-hour shifts. So we often have a common bond that is built when we visit our spouses at work.

Lastly, my co-workers are able to help with my daily stressors. Honestly, they probably feel the biggest brunt of them. No matter what, they see me every day for eight hours. They hear my moans, groans and excitement. However, they never complain and they listen.

For anyone who feels they don’t have a support system, you can always contact your spouses’ first sergeant or squadron. The Airman & Family Readiness Center is also a great source when someone needs a person to talk to. Know that you don’t have to go through things alone. The military is one big family.

Mother's Day mishap

Well, it has finally hit me. My husband will not be coming home for months. It only took two weeks to sink in.

It hit me on Mother’s Day, the day most mothers are pampered. I woke up that morning to an e-mail from my husband telling me how great of a mother I was and he would call me later in the day. I waited all day for his phone call. About the time my daughter and I leave the house to get dinner, he calls. However, I didn’t have signal on my way out of housing and I missed his call. After listening to the voice mail he left, I couldn’t hold back the tears.

When we returned home, I just held my daughter and cried because we had missed Daddy’s phone call. And at that moment, it really hit me. I couldn’t pick up the phone and call him back. I just asked myself, "How could I have missed the call?"

That night as I laid in bed, I couldn’t help but kick myself in the rear for leaving the house when I did. But the more I thought about it, the more I told myself I cannot put our lives on hold to sit by the phone. Our lives still have to roll even when Daddy is gone.

I think that is the hardest part about being at home without your spouse. Although they are gone, we still have to keep the house running. Now I have to play Mommy and Daddy. Before, I could always depend on him to help with dinner and the cleanup afterward. I knew he would help with laundry, even if it was just putting it in the washing machine. Now, I have to do it all on my own — and with a 1-year-old at my heels.

However, it kind of gives me a sense of empowerment. I know I can do it on my own and the house isn’t going to fall apart without him being there. I can be the chef, maid, disciplinarian and chauffeur. I have a new confidence in myself I didn’t have before.

I recently read a letter from TV personality Ben Stein, who wrote to a group of military wives in Fort Lewis, Wash., in 2004.

"The wives keep up the fight even when they have to move every couple of years, even when their checks are late, even when they have to make a whole new set of friends every time they move," the letter read. "Without them, we are nothing at all. With them, we can do everything. They are the glue that holds the nation together, stronger than politicians, stronger than talking heads, stronger than al Qaeda."

I have been told many times I am a strong woman. I can overcome this situation. And as my grandmother always says, "This too shall pass."

There is an end in sight ... it just happens to be in September.

Week one...It's only been a week!?!

It has been more than a week since my husband left for a four-month deployment. I have to say, it hasn’t really hit me yet. Hopefully it stays that way.

This isn’t our first rodeo, as he calls it, but this is the first deployment since our daughter was born. And I believe the hardest part is when she is asking and looking for "Dada."

Technology is such a great thing. We have been able to Skype with him a few times. I am not sure how older veterans were able to get through long deployments without the wonderful technology we have today. I am truly thankful we have the opportunity to do it.

A few days ago, a lady told me I need to suck up all the sad or angry feelings I had about this deployment because I married into the military life. As a veteran myself, I understand the need for deployments and I am proud my husband is fighting for the freedoms we all enjoy each day. But having to "suck up" my feelings through this deployment isn’t an option.

If you have never lived the military lifestyle, you cannot even fathom the roller-coaster ride that can come with it, from deployments, being on duty for 24 hours at a time, to never knowing when the call will come through for a recall. Military families constantly have to be on their toes. For families with a loved one deployed, not knowing when the next phone call will come or if they will be home for the next big holiday can be an added stressor.

I recently attended Coping With Deployment, a course through the American Red Cross. It was free and open to all military family members who are about to deploy, going through a deployment or just returning from a deployment. The course was informational and very helpful. With the group discussions, it was comforting to know other military wives are going through the same things I am.

Knowing I am not the only wife out there who is being a geographically separated single mother puts my mind at ease. Although everyone’s situation is different, there is still a common bond between us all. A secret fraternity of sorts.

Through my eyes...

I am starting this blog to give more of an insight on what military spouses may experience when their loved ones are deployed.

As a mother of a 1-year-old, 4 months pregnant with our second and being geographically separated from all of our family, this deployment is sure to take its toll on me. This is not the first time my husband and I have been separated in our marriage due to him serving his place to take care of the Air Force mission, however this is our first time since our daughter was born. The hardest part, so far, is when she asks for her "dada."

Hopefully this blog will at least let other spouses out there know that some of the things they may be feeling or going through, they are not alone in. I am sure somewhere out there, there is someone that is having near the same experience as I am. If not, maybe it will at least give non-military people a look inside to what military families deal with on a daily basis.

With that said, here is my story...